The Wonderful Lies Of An Army Wife

There are just some wives out there that can't open their mouth without a lie coming out. These are those Bavarian donuts I mentioned earlier. And, boy, do they talk about their husband's all the time. This is when you want to slap them in the face and tell them NOBODY CARES! You hear their shit all the time, it is either me, me, me .... oh and of course, me. Or, it is my husband this, my husband is promoting to this, my husband that. It is annoying to hear them ramble about their "perfect" life ALL THE FREAKIN TIME!

In reality, their life isn't perfect. Whose is? But, usually, these wives are the most pathetic and unhappy people on the planet.

Warning: I can and will be cruel for the rest of the posting.

Every wife I have met, that had this most perfect life they have to brag about 24/7, turned out to be unhappy. Trying to make people envy your life, isn't going to change what goes on at home. And, every achievement one woman does...they have done better. And, it seems that money grows on trees for them. They brag about what labels they have, or how much clothes shopping they did because they lost weight. I'm sorry, but everyone has noticed how you have NOT lost weight. Bragging about going to the gym everyday and losing weight is such a bald face lie when everyone has noticed how you can't fit through your front door anymore. And, to top it all off, we all notice how these wives have the most miserables husbands on the face of the planet. I walked through the PX today and was sickened at how miserable these men are so openly. They are embarrassed to be with their wives! It is so obvious, a blind man could sense it. This does not apply to all wives, only to those who wake up every morning and lie about their lives every day so they can feel important.

Brag about your husbands all you want, but they are in the military with the same general purpose....to serve their country. So, why brag? There is no point besides trying to make yourself the queen of something. It pisses me off so bad, SO BAD, when these wives make themselves like such righteous beings but then rub it in every wife's face about how their life is better. From their vehicles, pay, rank, how many kids they have, clothes, houses, what new thing their "husband bought for them" (really it is what they bought themselves, thanks for their husband fighting for our country), volunteering (just a show, and 99% of the time a lie), FRG, etc. etc. We all know these wives, and they know who they are. They try to make out like they are the best of friends and a wife that is so knowledgeable about deployments to come talk to, but they are really in a corner crying most of the time because they can't handle the truth and break down on their own time because life and the military is too confusing for them.

These wives are so freakin full of themselves, it isn't a wonder their husbands either mess around on them or think about it. Trust me, I have seen it too many times in the military. Wives that are so controlling and so obnoxious, the husband can't take it any longer. Honestly, sad to say but true, most of these wives are a bit on the heavy side. Because they let themselves go after marriage and sit on their fat lazy asses all freakin day. And, no, baby fat is not an excuse after one year or even 6 years after your last child. Health issues are a different story, and understandable. I am only referring to those fat wives that don't do shit!

So, anyway, just so they can take sit, collect U.S. government money and benefits, have pity parties about their husband is a soldier (oh yes, we are all crying here for you), let people pat them on the back and thank you for your service as a wife (sorry, what service?), and, can't forget this one, to let people be awed by their "perfect" life. Okay, this is where I get confused with these wives. Do you want us to cry for you or do you want us to want your perfect life? One minute it is "Oh, my soldier has been gone this long for deployment, But, don't worry, it is a sacrifice I make" or it is the "my life is so freakin perfect....envy me!". Which one is it? We are all dying to know. There are too many wives to count that are like this.

Seriously, do these women pick up on how miserable their husbands are? They are dense if they don't. If you are a Bavarian donut (more points if you are a fatty one), then, yes, your husband is tired of your whiny ass. With these wives, deployment is a vacation to these men. That is why they volunteer to stay back later with extra duties. That is why they try to stay at work as long as possible. That is why they can't wait for more training to be away for just a few days from the bitching and waking up every morning next to that. That is why he gladly reenlist and prays every night for another deployment to be away from her, or at least lots of long training at different posts. Sounds like sarcasm, but I have heard it plenty of times and you can tell when a soldier has had enough of his Bavarian donut of a wife. Who would blame them?

So, really? Your life is perfect? Why can't your husband stand you? Why can't you keep your trap shut about made up lies about your life? Why does every wife tend to roll her eyes when you turn your back? If you want to keep your man and your precious life as an army wife, hit the gym more and put an effort. Get up in the morning and cook him breakfast. Clean the house. Actually LOVE him, not the rank or the U.S. Army name tape. Wives back in the day got up before the sun rose to starch and iron her husband's uniform, shine his boots, make him breakfast, and be a GOOD wife to her husband before, during, and after work. And, they went months without hearing a word if their husbands were safe when wars killed thousands in one day. Army wife life is easy now. It's not even half as much effort as wives 50 years ago went through. So stop your crying and be an ARMY WIFE. Not a fake title.

Boot Camp For Military Daughters

It's one thing to be a military brat, but it is another to train your daughter to chase after soldiers. I have seen this more than once and all those times I had to open my mouth and the mom got pissy at me. The other day, at the PX, a little girl was flirting with an officer in front of her. When he walked away, the mom turned to her and smiled as she said, "Good girl, going after the guys with high ranks." What the hell is that suppose to mean? Another time I was talking to a mom on post that I know and was appalled when she told me how her daughter has a thing for a man in uniform and she tells her she better bring a soldier home when she starts dating. I'm sorry, but have you people lost your minds? Your daughter's main priority should be being happy and in love! Not what her boyfriend wears. Army wife life isn't what it is cracked up to be. So, you are basically telling your pride and joys to be ID chasers? I will give you a brief description on what an ID chaser is for now, but I will explain them better in another chapter. An ID chaser is pretty much a woman that will do anything to get a hold of a soldier, marry him, and live off of him while she sits on her lazy ass and collects the United States government's money and all the benefits. And to top it off, to have the title Army Wife like it is some sort of royalty. Pshhh.

So, anyway, back to the boot camp for your children before I start on that rant. Honestly, making your daughter go after as high ranking as she can get is making her into a slut. Sorry, but it is true. You should be worried about her happiness besides a rank on a uniform. And to say that your daughter has good taste for going after soldiers is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard in my life! Your daughter having good taste for a gentleman that treats her well would be the right answer. If you want your daughter to go after the uniform, you have your priorities wrong and you need to be slapped back into reality. HELLO! THIS ISN'T YOUR OWN LITTLE ARMY WIFE FANTASY WHERE EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE SOOOOOO IMPORTANT FOR BEING A SOLDIER'S WIFE! THIS IS REAL LIFE! REALITY CHECK!

Fake Righteous Groupies

The FRG is a great organization if it isn't corrupted in your husband's unit. Every FRG I have experienced, and especially the recent one, were horrible. I wouldn't wish them on anyone. If the FRG isn't supportive in your area, leave them alone. It will only get worse. The problem I have found with the FRG are that most wives pull rank. I had one First Sergeant's wife that tried to pull rank on me, and it wasn't pretty. She tried to claim that SHE had a "commander". You don't have a commander unless you are in the military. You are not apart of the military except for being a dependant. I thought she was going to hit me after I said that. She was enraged. See, there is a good example of how childish an army wife can be.

Since that incident, I realized that the FRG shouldn't be by rank. She was an FRG leader and didn't have the maturity to handle it. It should be by leadership skills. That is how they promote in the military. So, why not the FRG. So that is why I call the Family Readiness Group the Fake Righteous Groupies. It is a clique club that is absolutely preposterous and far from what it should be.

Bavarian Donuts

Now for the wives that are new to this.....don't be influenced by these shit filled wives. These wives are like Bavarian donuts. They look sweet on the outside, but instead of the sweet cream in the middle...you have shit. Oh, and don't worry, their sweet demeanor will vanish quickly. You will notice their faults fast. They are full of bullshit.No matter what your husband's rank is, you should love him for who he is. Not pushing him to be better so you can rub it in the neighbor's faces. Yes, he has a job like no other. But, it promotes like any other job. So promotion shouldn't even be an issue in your relationship with your spouse. Nor should awards given to your husband. Your husband received them, not you.

In future reference of all army wives reading this, don't ask another wife what her husband's rank is when you first meet her. Who needs to know unless it is a question that is military related. Secondly, don't think you are more important because of your husband's rank. You didn't earn it, so don't boast about it. Thirdly, don't look down on other wives because their husband's rank is lower than your husband's. That is just childish! Get your own life! If you are a mother, you should be proud of that. And, talking about it. If you are a wife that is going to college, talk about that. Not what your husband's rank is or what job he is in. Seriously, there are better things to do than boast about your husband's achievements because you think that makes you important. It doesn't. Face the facts and get over it.

The Crazy And Ridiculous Sticker Fad aka I'm Better Than You

What really makes me laugh are those crazy army wife stickers that say "Proud Army Wife of My SGT", "My Authority Supersedes Your Rank!", or "Cav Wives Are Better". Who gives a rat's ass! I can understand "Proud Wife Of My Soldier" or "Proud Army Wife". But, other than that, you are trying to rub it in other people's faces that you are better than them. Yes, you might be proud of you husband who is a Lieutenant or a Sergeant, but that is NOT your rank. Promotion points are different in every MOS (job), so rubbing it in every face you can throughout post isn't doing much but making you look like an idiotic wife. Soldiers appreciate humble wives, not ones that are so proud they make themselves look like imbeciles. Pride is one thing, but making people want to envy you is another. You didn't earn the rank, so stop parading around with it.

Yes, you might have helped your husband by supporting him. But, I guarantee you that if you supported your husband for being a traveling doctor, you are not going to have a bumper sticker of that on the back of your vehicle. Stop the high school shit! Please! Do you know how much immature wives bug soldiers?

Army Wife Rank

Okay, this is the most important subject in this book in my opinion. DO NOT USE YOUR HUSBAND'S RANK FOR GAIN!!! I really can't say that enough. I really hate it when army wives would try to pull this shit on me. If you don't know what a M249 is, or what a "front-lean rest position" is, or even what a DD214 is .... then don't you fucking dare try to pull rank on people. You are an army wife. Not your husband's rank. You are there to help other wife cope and to support your husband. Not rubbing it in other wives faces what rank "you" are or trying to get your way with it. It is childish and absurd.

I'm sorry, did someone tell you that you went to the promotion board too? Wow, yeah, I think that is what you wish would happen. If you don't go to work all day and earn that rank, then you aren't that rank. Plain and simple.Yes, your husband's rank effects things in your life. Like housing, scholarships, and FRG meetings. But, it isn't suppose to be used to put other people down. If your husband's rank is higher than others, you might have a responsibility to uphold. But, it is nothing compared to what you husband has to go through day in and day out. The most you have to do is being polite and hold FRG meetings. That is it! By the way, the FRG is there to SUPPORT spouses. But, I will get into that later in my book.

Introduction

Army wives, or just military wives, are not like the show on TV. The "Army Wives" show leaves out a lot of juicy details of what "real" army wives do. I am not here to throw army wives in the burner. I am one myself. I am just here to bring some truth and understanding so new wives don't make the same mistake as countless others have. And, just maybe, some will realize their mistakes after reading this. I will be blunt, so I won't be surprised if there will be many controversies with this book.

This book is a guide to army wives. Do not...I repeat DO NOT go by that stupid TV show. It is fiction. It doesn't show the wife down the street cheating on her husband, the wife that leaves her husband for someone higher ranking, the girl that is an "ID Chaser" that will do anything to be supported by a military man so she doesn't have to do shit for the rest of her life, and the list keeps going. One thing that is rare is an army husband causing problems. That is why this book is specifically for the army wife.

A common problem with a new army wife is being sucked in the bullshit. Yes, that is exactly what I mean. The drama, the "I am better than you" attitude, the backstabbing, the pulling of your husband's rank.....it is so, SO simple to be an army wife. Just be a good wife. You do have an obligation, in my opinion, to know as much about the military as possible. That was easy for me since I served before being an army wife.

If you are offended by now, hang tight for the rest of the book. You will really hate me by the end. If you are interested on how to better you life as an army wife, this is your guideline. Ahead of time, please do not take offense if you are a wife that does none of these things I will talk about in this book. I praise you for not being a part of the worst representation of military manners and discipline. But, at least you learn a few things on how to be the best you can be as a military spouse.